A two hour flight out of Phuket took us to the largest city in northern Thailand, Chiang Mai. It's still a rather small city, but it's filled with interesting activities for culture enthusiasts like ourselves.
Ohhhh Hello from Chiang Mai
We were lucky enough to find a trust worthy guide named Chan. Not only was he friendlier and less weasely than our former subordinate Meta, but he was also full of neat facts. For instance, "chang" means "elephant" in Thai.
The first place Chan took us was to a temple up in the hills overlooking the city. It provided an excellent opportunity to purchase chiller bracelets. There were also lots of people praying, ringing bells, and conversing with monks.
One evening, we attended another Muay Thai fight event. The fights were a lot less professional than the one we saw in Bangkok (there were seven year olds and girls fighting), but there was one really cool battle royale match where everyone was blindfolded. The chunkster you can see in the back dropped the ref with a nasty right hook. The ref then got up and drop kicked Edmond Honda flat on his face.
The next day, we took a trip out to an elephant park. They are extremely big and eat 500 pounds of food a day! They can also paint, put hats on people, and play shooty hoops. Max's shirt was covered with elephant snot after this photo. It looked a lot like buck snot.
We even did an extreme elephant trek. Everything went smooth until the elephant ran Andrew's head into a metal roof. Luckily, his rock hard head shortened the tear flow to under a minute.
After elephant trekking, we stopped by a snake show. Andrew conquered his ultimate fear of snakes, and only had to run out of the park one time. To be fair, one of the snake masters threw a snake from behind a wall in front of Andrew.
The best part of the snake show was the announcer. He made lots of funny sounds such as "pshhhh watch out!", "psssh ooooohh be careful", and "ohhhh you can die".
This crazy man jumped in a tank with an anaconda and came up with the snake choking him. He was even missing a finger from when he was previously bit.
We continued the animal binge by going to a night safari. Giant giraffes would stick their head in the train looking for big bananas. They're some freaky alien looking things, and it was a somewhat terrifying experience.
Other exotic animals we saw include: zebras, white bengal tigers, white lions, bearded wolf, a liger, yaks, hippopotamus, rhinos, pumas, deer, hyenas, emus, black bear, tribe people, long necks.
No homo.
After all the hard animal watching, we relaxed with some classic Thai massages. Andy realized he had some extra room in his pants and invited Andrew in. Andrew, feeling even naughtier than normal, hopped right in. Two for one happy endings!
Shortly after Andrew saw he reached number 14 in the planking ratings, he one upped himself again with the first ever Jesus plank. Look how happy Johnny B is with this plank!
As if the massage wasn't explosive enough, we visited a hot spring where there were some "natural" geysers. Andrew gave out a very crisp "wooohhhhh!"
Finally, we enjoyed some chill vibes at the Roof Top Bar. Andy, being an incredibly chill never tense dude, shared the chill vibes with some hang loose signs. They offered mushroom shakes, but we stayed away after seeing a slightly older looking man losing his mind while giggin' on the dance floor. Believe it or not, it wasn't Johnny.
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