Operation Koh Samui (According to Andy, this is a "Meet the Parents" line)

Our "fifteen hour" bus ride from Bangkok to Koh Samui turned out to be the twenty hour bus ride from hell.  The one positive was that the bus showed a whole season of Weeds to start the trip.  The worst part was the bathroom on the bus not draining properly.  We were essentially sitting in a bathroom along with forty other people with a toilet that didn't flush.

Luckily, we've gotten accustom to sleeping in uncomfortable situations.  Here we are waiting outside at 6:00am for a different bus to take us to a ferry.  If it weren't for a group of ten crazy Mexicans we were hanging out with, the ride might have killed us.   Nothing makes me happier than a group of stoner Mexicans who constantly yell in Mexican at each other.  That's a serious statement.

Once we arrived at Koh Samui, we quickly realized prices were much steeper on the island.  For example, stir fried blue crap with Indian curry cost an unbelievable 150 baht ($5).  Island jerks.

One great activity on Koh Samui is playing little kids at Connect Four for money.  This little girl whooped up on Andy and Andrew before losing her life savings to Max.  Unfortunately, they played for double or nothing. She weaseled a win.

Another cool thing happened when we ran into this duo of hookers two nights in a row.  Don't get me wrong we see plenty of hookers every night, but we first saw these girls at a Burger King smashing Whoppers.  The next night, we spotted them eating at McDonalds across the street!  One of them was even eating a Fish Sandwich.  How disgusting is that?  Understandably, they were embarrassed about being spotted two nights in a row being naughty and didn't want to cooperate with the picture.

The only really nice thing about Koh Samui is the beach.  We've been able to catch up on some educational reading and healthy tanning.  After the sun went down, we spent our time playing pool, watching Fast and Furious 5 (badass), and perfecting our dancing skills.  Needless to say, we are really growing a lot as young adults and making the most of our time abroad.

Here is Andrew doing the first American plank on Koh Samui.  As you can tell, Andy was quite amazed and intrigued with his friend's record setting performance (dick).

Here's Andrew prepping for the Full Moon party.

Max's skills were so on point that he was invited to go on the VIP stage.  For some reason, no one else decided to join him on stage.

The night ended with Andrew giving an euphoric scream demanding more bass.

Two Nights in Bangkok and the World's Your Oyster Twice (This post kind of sucks if you can't tell already by the title)

Cue the party tunes:

We took a flight out of Hanoi and landed in Bangkok a few hours later.  Luckily, while we were waiting at the airport, we were able to catch the end of the game five Heat/Celtics series where LeBron scored the last ten points of the game to win the series.

Once we got into Bangkok, we checked into this old school budget hotel that tried to be classy by enforcing stupid rules.  These rules included not putting your feet on the furniture, not being loud, and not bringing back any hookers.  We really only struggled with the feet on the ground rule as we are morally sound gentlemen.

The one advantage to Hotel Stiff was that it had an awesome swimming pool in the back!  Check out Andrew in the middle of a back one and a half.  

We spent the first night attending a Muay Thai boxing event.  The fighters all looked to be under 13 years old, but they could probably all kick our asses.  Yea right!

Here's a loser of a fight.

Here's a winner of a fight.

Here's three white guys who were cheering loudly ringside while drinking lots of beers.  Andrew was not being creepy with the young Thai boy in front of him despite what this picture portrays.  The young boy's brother was fighting while this picture was taken.  He lost.

The next night, we met up with our friend Kelly and went out with some of her friends.  It was lots of fun.  We then hopped on what we were told was a fifteen hour bus ride down south to Koh Samui.  It was a short stop off in the heart of Thailand, but two more nights were more than enough.

Here's a bonus shot of Sexy Andy.

We in Hanoi, Boy

A sixteen hour bus ride took us to our final Vietnamese stop, Hanoi.  The bus ride sounds terrible but a combination of Scrabble, friends :), and prescription drug cocktails made the ride almost enjoyable.

Just in case you can't tell from this picture, the food in Hanoi was great.  Look at these big boys getting after it.

One night, we got a little weird with it and ate some pigeon, also known as a sky rat.  Andy gnawed on the head and found a gushy pink thing in the middle.  He tasted it and found it disgusting.  He then realized it was the BRAIN!  

  

As a side note, we are all getting progressively dumber as the trip continues (Andrew asked how to spell "thing" this morning).  It is likely due to the drinking and lack of protein shakes/lifting tons of weight at the gym.  I can honestly say this is the stupidest I've felt in years, and I apologize if the blog posts start to suck.

Here's a crisp shot of the lake in the middle of Hanoi.  It was neat.

The best thing about Hanoi was the cheap beer.  They call it "fresh beer", and it costs about 20 cents a glass.  Sometimes it tastes like a cool Bud Light.  Other times, it tastes like warm dog piss.

We had some interesting experiences with the Northern Vietnamese.  For those of you who have never seen a movie about the Vietnam war, the US was fighting with Southern Vietnam against the North.  So some of these people should clearly hate Americans as we killed their fathers, mothers, cousins, etc.  For the most part, everyone was very friendly to us Canadians.  They were especially impressed by Andrew's ability to rip a tobacco bong.  I don't know how he got so good at that.

Andy made great friends with some Vietnamese kids down an alley way.  Here they are representing the peace between the US and Vietnam.  You can tell by the look on Andy's face that he is very serious and completely wasted.  It is called the Andy Blank Face.  They shake with their left hands because it is closer to their heart.  Apparently, they also fancied Andy for his good looks as they grabbed his ass and gave him kissy lips when we said goodbye.

Here's a photo of Andrew making friends with some eighteen year old British girls.  They were some wankers.  Supposedly, Andrew did not tell the two outside girls to grope the girl in the middle.  We also randomly bumped into a girl Andy and Max went to college with.  Go Loggers!

We spent one of the nights on a boat in the beauty that is Halong Bay.  We were on a boat with fifteen other guys and one prostitute.  The prostitute was with a French toad face guy.  Most of our time was spent listening to a couple Aussies talking about hunting hogs and sharing degrading terms we use to call women.  The sights were pretty cool too.

Here's a shot of a cave our guide told us was the way to heaven.  My Jew soul will be returning there someday.

This is a sunset shot highlighting Dong Rock.  It is unclear whether it was named after the currency or because it looks like male genitalia.  It's just another one of life's mysteries.

Here's another pleasant sunset shot.

Finally, we went rafting through some extreme class 5 rapids.  You can tell by the immense amount of white water and Andy's O face that it was rather intense.

We in Hoi An, Man

We arrived in Hoi An at 8:00am in the morning and found a three bed VIP hotel for $15 a night.  Hoi An is known for its crazy amount of tailors and delicious food.  It ended up being one of our favorite stops so far.

Andrew really enjoyed a free cream puff dessert we received that contained a "special filling."  Don't worry, he's used to creams on his face.  Although Andy also loves white sauces, he fancied a dish called Cao Lo.  He ate it at least twice a day.

 We also met the Tiger Woods of pool at a bar.  He was a chunky little bastard, but the little big guy was damn good with a cue.

The next night we celebrated Cinco de Mayo at a bar.  They had a stupid rule where you had to have stuff written on your face (also check out that badass jet ski t-shirt).  They didn't have Coronas or tequila, and the Europeans we were hanging out with had never seen a Mexican.

We did have a great time enjoying the night life at Hoi An.  So much so, that one night one of us pissed the bed (we will not be providing names).  The next night, another one of us pissed the bed!  It was a Hoi An miracle!  Unfortunately, our room smelled absolutely terrible the next day.

We spent hours everyday at a tailor.  We each got a business suit, a party wedding suit, and a lot of shirts.  The main tailor loved Andrew and made many grabs at his dong (not the currency).

The beach was about four kilometers outside of town.  We would rent bikes for a dollar and ride there after our tailor appointments in the morning.  Andrew did lots of radical tricks on the rides that impressed all of the Vietnamese.  Max cried a little bit and fell into a construction site minutes after renting the bike the first day.  By the third day, he could make it all the way to the beach without being terrified the entire time.

A final great thing about Hoi An was the beautiful sights we were lucky to see.  Enjoy some of Andy's top shots!

A river at sunset on our bike ride home from the beach.  Beautiful.

A traditional Vietnamese lady relaxing by the beach after a hard day of hassling Westerners.

Two male dogs humping on the beach.

 A candid photo of Max enjoying a beer in his hot boys.

A self-portrait of Andy and his beautiful sun-freckled skin.

We in Nha Trang, Meng

After forty hours away from the beach, we decided we needed to get back as soon as possible.  Another five hour bus ride landed us in the town of Nha Trang.  Nha Trang is know for its beaches, cheap scuba diving, and crime.  We successfully experienced all three.  Being a gnarly, extreme bro, Max was scuba certified at the tender age of thirteen.  Andy and Andrew were able to get certified in only three days at Nha Trang.

Chill vibes peace sign from Andy and perfect form air guitar from Andrew.

Bros catching some rays in between dives.  The wetsuits reeked like piss.

A three-foot long underwater slug was one of a few highlights we saw while diving.  Others included eels,  weird looking horse fish, and some lion fish (Deuce Bigalow fish).

Here's a picture of the guys with their scuba trainer Fabreezy.  Fabreezy was awesome and gave the guys all the answers to their test so they didn't have to do any studying or reading.  Sometimes his teachings were a little sensual, but Andy and Andrew were okay with that ;).

Regarding the crime, nearly everyone we met told us about getting something stolen while walking back to their hotel from the bars in Nha Trang.  We were told many times to never walk back alone.  Of course, on our first night there, we all got drunk and walked home separately.  Andrew got his camera stolen while helping a girl look for her purse.  Max was attacked by ladies on a bike who grabbed his junk (in a very painful way) while trying to snag his wallet.  Luckily, he was able to get away by screaming loudly and running away with Usain Bolt like speed.

Our beautiful fair skin did favor us on a different night.  While walking up to a beach party that had a long line full of Vietnamese celebrating their "Victory Day", we were spotted by a white woman working for the bar.  She led us into the party without having to pay cover and gave us a VIP table next to the runway.  We were given two bottles of vodka and enjoyed a night of traditional Vietnamese modelling and fire dancing.  We even participated in a limbo contest in which we were dominated by four foot tall Vietnamese ladies.  It was a much needed reminder to how awesome it is to be American.

After a strenuous three days at Nha Trang, we hopped on a twelve hour sleeper bus up north to Hoi Ann.  After getting a little fussy about the small beds and it being scary on the upper level, some Aussies were kind enough to give us some Valium to enjoy the ride.  

Here's a little bonus footage of Andrew ripping some water guitar.  You could never guess from this video that he has no musical talent aside from reciting Birdman lines.  

Sorry for the long post, but now it's time to get down on Friday.

Da Lat - The Paris of Vietnam

The next stop on our trip took us to the intriguing town of Da Lat.  The Vietnamese call it "the Paris of Vietnam" as it is supposedly the most romantic place in the country.  They even built a replica of the Eiffel Tower that lights up and is a functioning radio tower.  We enjoyed the bromance by going on a country tour and trying to limit our yelling at each other.

Here's a creative photo of Andy stunting over the country side.

We stopped by a cricket farm and each ate a cricket.  Andy treated himself to three crickets as he enjoyed the soft, mothball tasting insects.

After the cricket farm, we trekked down to the bottom of a waterfall.  If you took one wrong step, you could easily fall on your way down.  We just barely fussed more than the 70 year old Malaysian couple behind us about how scary and dangerous the hike was.

 

Above is a photo of Max doing a corny pose in front of an unimportant religious statue.  It's not really blog worthy, but check out how Brody Jenneresque that hair is looking.  Also note that this is after going in a waterfall and absent of any hair products. Damn!

The next stop was at a pagoda with a giant sitting Buddha in the back.  After getting up to the right nipple, Andrew was told that it was not meant to be climbed on.

Later, we stopped by "The Crazy House."  It is a large hotel that has a crazy design.  It was listed as one of the top ten craziest buildings in the world by some crazy magazine.  Andy captured the above panoramic shot from the top of a crazy staircase.

At night, we enjoyed a feast with some other people we met travelling.  We ate Vietnamese food Chinese style (sharing entrees) like Americans (ate and drank a ton) and paid Dutch.  The total bill for the nine of us was around $40.

After dinner, we went to a karaoke bar.  Andy and Andrew belted out a passionate version of "All My Ex's Live in Texas."  Our friends liked it so much that they let the guys sing almost half of the song before they switched the song to "Achy Breaky Heart."  To cap the night off, we went to a late night club with about fifty people working and ten customers.  The dance floor was being dominated by two gay Vietnamese men, but this didn't prevent Andrew from busting out his 2013 dance.  This dance consists of him slowly crawling on all fours while turning his head back and forth like a hawk.  Romance was in the air.